newsflash
Newsflash…
or…
WHUPPED UP Hysteria?
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The small town of Rocklin was rocklin’ n reelin’ with news of a FLASHER…yes, you read that right…a real FLASHER, who on three separate occasions flashed three girls, aged thirteen.
With a “flasher on the prowl”, the town was understandably in the grip of fear. Would it ever be safe to walk the streets again?
It made the parents “shudder”, the children “concerned” and the police “disturbed”.
One girl said she was “scared”, but clearly she recovered the ordeal, because she was smiling for the camera, and no longer appeared “concerned”.
One woman urged the flasher to, “become a decent human being, because it’s not cool – not cool at all”.
One might note, in the passing, that this particular woman was grossly overweight, and one might wonder, in the passing, if being grossly overweight is “cool”.
Police were “disturbed” because, they said, exhibitionists sometimes progress onto more serious crimes. They urged “flashees” to take careful note of the flasher, what he looked like (we presume they meant the facial features), what he wore, what he was driving and so on.
One certainly hopes that the good people of Rocklin will soon find the rascal and put an end to his reign of terror.
For the record, this flasher has now left the friendly community of Rocklin and may be prowling in a town near YOU! Please remember to batten down your windows and lock your doors, and be sure to report anything suspicious, especially if you think it might be a penis.
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Seriously, folks, the only thing disgusting about all this is the way this town has whipped up the hysteria. And in the process they have managed to instill their own fear and paranoia into the young ones. That, to my mind, is the real crime.
And there is no evidence and no justification for saying that exhibitionists may progress onto more serious crimes. Studies and statistics do not corroborate that. Sure, some exhibitionists may do something more serious, but they are not a statistically significant number; most exhibitionists remain exhibitionists. We do not of course condone flashing, but we cannot but wonder what was doing the most harm – the sight of a naked male, or the sanctimonious crap pedaled as news.
But let’s take a closer look at this because it is a superb study in, “much ado about nothing” (although we’re not sure that the flasher would agree with that description).
The newscasters were suitably grim when reporting this event, but did anyone actually say anything of substance?
The fat woman said it was not cool. That was the worst thing she could say about the event. ” Not cool”.
And the worst thing the police could say was that the flasher might progress onto more serious crimes.
Might has nothing to do with it. We might have a bad accident when we drive our car. We might lose our jobs. We might get a divorce…anything might happen…
But in actual fact, nothing did happen. No one lost their jobs, no one got mugged, no one’s house burned down, no on was murdered, no one lost their money or virginity, no one…you get the idea?
Nothing happened
Sure, there was a bit of an oddity occurring, but that is all. Any resulting fear and “concern” was merely the projection of the towns-people’s own fear and paranoia.
I mean…this was not “news”, this was brainwashing. The only “indecent exposure” that occurred in Rocklin was the news “flash” that served little more than to perpetuate the repressed puritanical standards of this town.
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That said, we are happy to report that the Disturbia has ended. The dreaded Flasher has gone, and Rocklin can now settle back into its haze of Suburbia boredom.
And we award our highly coveted “Flasher’s Certificate of Merit” to the News team for their dedication in bringing us the news – even when there was none.
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